Life update: March 2019 and April 2019

Damn, have I been AWOL for two months? Let's fix that!
March 2019:
March was pretty quiet. I mostly kept my head down and focused on my studies. Slowpoke and I still talked, but I think she's going through another mental break unfortunately. I don't want to pressure her too much, so I have backed off from trying to contact her as often as I did. Sometimes people just don't want to talk, and I have to respect her decision. Pika's going good as well, I was actually at an MTG tournament hosted at the place we met 5 years ago. God, 5 years ago. Life is moving fast. The past 2 years have felt like 2 weeks. It's hard to believe I'm 20. She's 19. We can drink soon. As much as I've enjoyed this journey, I wish I could just slow down, and enjoy the people.

April 2019:
School finally got out. Though, not really for me. Right now I'm in a summer semester typing this, but the last semester ended in April. It went pretty well, I got three As and two Cs. I'm kinda nervous considering I want to go to grad school, but my current 2.5 gpa isn't going to cut it. So that's stressful. But my studies have convinced me that I'm in the right place. As you can see, studying history has gotten me off my ass to be more politically active. I'm more motivated than ever to create content than ever, and for the first time in a long ass time, I feel like I have a future.

Pika is coming to see me again! I'm so excited! She's coming for memorial day again, along with her family. Honestly, her parents and mine get along so much better than I ever thought, though that's mostly because her dad makes bomb-ass mojitoes. I'm so glad they feel comfortable in coming back, they're great people. Pika's boyfriend and her broke up because he was going through stuff, but this isn't like with machamp because they're probably going to get back together. He's the MTG dude, so I'm not concerned about him hurting her. At this point, I just want Pika to be happy, so whatever makes her happy is what I'm going to support.

Life Update: January 2019

January was back to business. My new classes started up, which was enjoyable. I've been reading a ton of books and writing a ton of essays. It's honestly strangely enjoyable doing schoolwork. I just enjoy learning about all this history and getting down to the nitty-gritty of analyzing it. I can see myself doing this for the rest of my life.

I talked to Pika, and she is officially dating the magic guy. I might have to come up with a pokemon codename for him some time, but for now let's go with the flow. I'm happy for her, watching her enjoy life gives me joy as well. She's been trying to get in a program at her school to go to Japan and make animation. That'd be sick if she did, because apparently at the end of the program she gets to pitch a show to Netflix or Cartoon Network. Seeing Pika's show on Netflix would be fucking incredible! Looking back, I'm glad I've been able to watch her grow as a person. She's no longer the shy girl I met at state; she's an outgoing artist who doesn't take any shit. I still can't believe its been 4 years...

My love life is a bit in turmoil. The girl I've been talking to, Slowpoke, has disappeared off the internet. Part of me is relegated to the fact she might not come back, but I'm always the hopeful type. After all, she said her new year's resolution is to spent less time on the internet, she could just be on a cleanse. She told me she doesn't ghost people multiple times, and I believe her. My worst fear is something happened to her, as she was always very talkative until early this month. I just hope she's alright. Still, I'm probably over-analyzing this. I guess I'm just worried because she left abruptly without warning. Then again, I've done similar things where I disappear without warning just because I forget to tell people what I'm doing. That's the most likely explanation. In any case, I wish she'd return, she was pretty awesome to talk to.

Also: I need to get off my lazy ass and do YouTube. I'm in the middle of editing a video, but I keep putting it off. Maybe it's because I need a push? I've been thinking about starting a Patreon so I have some people to be responsible to because they're giving money to me, but I don't want to start one and then fall through on my promises like I have before. All I know is I'm still enjoying making videos and I plan to for the foreseeable future, so stay tuned!

2018 year in review

2018 was a good year. Changing my major, of course, was a great decision. I met some really great people this year as well. I'm happier than ever to be honest.

Down to business. Stats for this year is around 3,763 views on the year. Much less than last year and far, far less than than the 15,000 I wanted. Of course, I can't say I'm really surprised. I didn't finish 9 years when I said I would, and I dropped the ball on updating the blog midyear. Honestly, I thought my viewer drop off would be much steeper than that, considering I didn't link to the blog hardly at all this year. The best month was January with 887 views, and the worst was July with 77 views, but the views held pretty consistently around 200 year round. For all of you that still around, I appreciate your support through my inconsistency and incompetence.

So the podcast is still up in the air. It kinda fell apart because Pika still doesn't have a good mic, however if you guys want to see something like that, I'm sure we could figure something out.

I still don't have good enough internet to stream games, however I have been streaming debates through Non-Sequitur, and I think I prefer that. I get to nerd out about topics and argue; two of my favorite things. Plus Non-Seq already has a built in audience, so it works out better if I want to grow as an internet personality than streaming KSP for like 4 people on twitch.

9 years 3 has been a nightmare. After I finished it, went to publish, and found I didn't save, my momentum has been shot. It was hard enough trying to relive some of this stuff once, doing it a second time now is just a slog. I need to put it out, I made a promise to you all, but I just find myself much more invested in making videos and writing things like Once We Were Gods rather than 9 years. I just want to be over with it at this point, ya know?

The channel has been doing great, though. The CutCo video was very well received, and I'm almost done working on another historical video. The hope is to get production up and running and start churning out interesting videos that are well edited. The reception has really given me inspiration to continue on, as it just seems like people not only are watching the videos but wanting more. Audience is a powerful thing to a creator, and its great to see participation from you guys!

So that's all for this year. We'll see how 2019 goes, I'm just glad to be along for the ride with everyone here.

Life update: December 2018

I know its a month late, but fuck it, better late than never!

December was kinda uninteresting. I did all my finals, got all my  grades (I did ok, much better than before) and went home. Then I went on a cruise, which was nice, but I'd rather be hanging out at home.

I've been talking to a girl (we'll call her slowpoke) for a while, and things are going good!She's pretty great. She's quirky and fun loving, just the kind of person that you want to be around. I feel like I can be myself around her, and that's a hard thing to find. I'm excited to see what the new year holds, could this turn into something more? I don't know, but I'm hopeful!

Finally, I made some art for pika for christmas. Its a picture of her and her cat, Marshmallow! I decided to stylize it a bit. She really enjoyed it when I sent it to her. I know it's rough, but hey, at least I'm putting myself out there!

Life Update: November 2018

November was kinda nice. I'm disappointed I didn't get 9 years III out on time, but at the same time super happy about my CutCo video. I'm planning on doing at least 2 videos over the break, (following the schedule I had made in like July-ish, I might make adjustments based on my own judgement), and the enthusiasm shown towards my previous uploads is exactly the kind of push I need to get it done. Thanks so much for the support! 9 years III will be coming out on December 12, unless I die or something. I just want to get this labor of love over with, I've dragged it on too long and I want to move on. All I can hope for now is that you guys enjoy it.

I basically worked my ass off all thanksgiving. I guess that's partly why I got my act together and finished my video; if I can make a meager living off You Tube, I won't have to go back to that god-forsaken place. Don't get me wrong, my boss and my coworkers are great, it's the goddamn customers that make me want to invest in a shotgun. Dear God, how can someone get so pissed off getting a 14 lbs turkey instead of a 15 lbs turkey. Oh no! Thanksgiving is ruined! Little Johnny is going to starve to death because the family didn't have that extra pound of turkey to give him! Give me a break. Honestly, I'm shocked I haven't snapped and just tried to strangle someone from over the counter. I think that says a lot about my self control. Or, the fact that I even have that fantasy probably says more about my mental state. Eh, take your pick.

Pika's been good. I haven't had a whole lot of communication with her this month, and I'm kinda bummed. Most of that is my fault, I just forget to text people back. I'm just concerned about losing contact with her, I suppose. My anxiety has really been acting up lately, so it's hard to not be worried about, well, anything. I know we would never knowingly just break off communications for no reason, but I get this creeping feeling I might do it accidentally because I'm a moron. Whatever the case, I haven't heard if she's dating the magic dude from a while back. I hope she is, he seemed like a nice guy and I just want her to be happy.

Speaking of relationships, I've been involved with one myself. I met a girl (off /r9k/ of all places) and we've really hit it off. I wanted to give her a pokemon name, but she wasn't too keen on the idea. It's taken all my willpower to not give her the worst name just to annoy her, as I know she's reading this (Hi!). Anyways, she's been really kind and receptive to my bad jokes. She's hilarious herself, and we can really play off each other. I've been very open about my insecurities and worries, of which I have many, and she's been super understanding. That's a super difficult trait to come by, so that's a very good sign. Being honest and venerable with her is easy. I hope this goes somewhere, but only time will tell. Sappy paragraph over.

Life Update: October 2018

October was nice and quiet. I've been working on 9 years, homework, and various other projects I have in the works. I had fun at some Halloween parties, ate a lot of candy, and generally had a nice time. I think I'm starting to get used to college. It's a lot less lonely now that I live with Jolteon and Flareon, I feel I get along better with them better than my old roommate.

Pika's been quiet, but we still talk. She met a dude on a dating site and he got her to start getting into Magic: The Gathering. I, of course, am ecstatic about this, being the huge nerd I am. Mostly, I just want to share all the memes with her and have a good laugh. Random guy, I don't know who you are, but you're pretty chill in my eyes. I just hope she's still into it next time she visits, so I can kick her ass!

I'm trying to be more responsible with this blog and other things, so I've actually been making tons of progress on stuff I wanted to get done. Once We Were Gods chapter 2 is finished, and I'm already working on chapter 3. Since that's just going to be a short story, chapter 3 will likely be the last chapter. Besides 9 years coming out a week from today, I've got a few other goodies for you guys that have persisted. Stay tuned, November is going to be a busy one!

Life update: September 2018

I am 20 now. God that feels weird to say. My birthday was this month, making me no longer a teenager, but as usual I feel no different. It's like everyone says, I feel no older than I was when I was, say, 15.

But, life has gotten better. I've been more on top of my classes as well as getting back into the swing of this blog. I'm actually excited about my classes for once. I think changing my major to history was the right choice. Also, it's nice to just take some time out of my day just to sit and write, whether it be here on the blog, for one of my classes, or just for myself. I enjoy the feedback you guys give me from discord, and its nice to get things off my chest.

I'm still (trying) to make videos. I want to be less of a lazy fuck and actually get myself back on a schedule, but I can't make any promises. Pretty much every video I listed in my pipeline in the beginning of the summer is in the works in one way shape or form, along with a couple others. I just need to commit to finishing projects I've started and not just abandon them.

9 years is coming out in November. I've been making good progress with it, and so long as I keep up this pace that is when it will come out. Of course, I'm horrid with dates, so just take that with a grain of salt. With the amount of shit that goes down in it though, I think it'll be worth the wait.

My love life has been mostly stagnant. I went out with another girl from tinder. She was nice but I don't see myself getting into a relationship with her. I've been talking to another girl too, but I also don't think much is going to come of that.

Pika was having a rough time the other day. Her cat just up and disappeared, and she was getting super worried. She had him chipped, so she went to the vets in the area to report it missing. Honestly, I was fearing the worst after three days, after all south Florida is gator country, but he finally came back. It was a relief, but also puzzling. He was missing his collar, so I suspect someone tried to steal him. That pisses me off. There's a bazillion other sweet cats out there that don't have homes, why would you try to take one that has a home? Pika's cat started out as a stray kitten, so it's ironic he's now so wanted someone tried to abduct him. However, he may have just lost it in the woods, so we can't know for certain. I just told her to keep an eye on any neighbors that show a peculiar interest in him.

Life update: May June, July, August 2018

It's been a few, but now that my computer's fixed I can finally get back to posting on here. Enough with the formalities, here's the scoop.

May: I mostly just worked, but the biggest thing is Pika came down! I finally got to see her after 3 years, and it was great. She only stayed for memorial day weekend, but she brought me a bunch of gifts (which I'll make another post about), which is honestly the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me. She was exactly as I remembered her. The only thing I felt bad about her parents. I just felt that because of the language barrier, I couldn't really talk to them, and I'm afraid I might have come off as rude. They were very nice, but I'm just afraid I wasn't the best host. Hopefully the next time we meet I can make a better impression.

June: Again, I worked. My department got a new manager, who's actually quite the bro. We started cleaning up the meat department, getting more organized, and just getting down to business in general. He's a cool guy, I've talked to him about Overwatch a bit and he's dabbled in anime. He's honestly a stand-up dude who deserves a better position than what he has. I just hope he moves on from the shitshow that is that store.

July: Worked, but I also went on a couple trips. I went to West Virginia to see my sister, who was interning at a theater company, and wound up touring a lot of Civil War battlefields (mainly Antietam and Gettysburg). Honestly, it made me sure that studying history was for me. I picked up the book Spring 1865 by Perry D. Jamieson and recently finished it. It's interesting to see just how deluded people get at the end of long wars. For instance, Jefferson Davis still believed he could win the war up until his capture, going against the judgement of his cabinet and his generals. It was also interesting to see just how badass Lincoln was. For some reason we have this idea that "Honest Abe" was mild mannered, kind and gentle. He was anything but. He was a man on a mission: to reunite the union. When in conferences with the confederates, the 16th president refused to acknowledge the south as it's own country, and did not give any credence to their cause. He didn't give two shits about what the southerners thought. He gave them two choices: come back and be accepted with open arms, or face the hellfire of the Union's armies. Savannah, Atlanta, and most of South Carolina chose the latter. It was honestly a mistake that he was assassinated, from a southern perspective. Lincoln's policy was to "let 'em down easy," a policy which was not mirrored by his successor, Johnson (especially after "The South" killed the president and maimed his staff). Wow, that was a long tangent.

August: School's started, and I'm honestly pretty happy. My classes are interesting. I enjoy them, and I actually like doing the homework in some! I'm just glad there's no goddamn math. I can just nerd out about Abe Lincoln. That makes me happy. Honestly, I'm glad I've found something I feel I can devote my life to.

Life Update: April 2018

April was much like March, and TBH, it went by so fast I barely noticed the difference between them. I finished up finals with a whimper as I didn't do as well as I wanted on them. I ended up failing trig, which pissed me off. I tried so hard for that class and studied my ass off, but in the end I still wasn't good enough. It really hurts, you know? I've always considered myself somewhat intelligent, but after doing horribly in school I'm not so sure anymore. Even more so considering its pretty much all I had going for me. If I am just an idiot, is there any hope for me? I don't know. I hate saying that, but it's all I am certain of at this point.

I'm officially changing my major to History, as I realized its what I enjoy more and it doesn't include a ton of math. I enjoyed doing that English project I shared with you guys, as well as an archaeology project I'll share later, and I really feel writing about History is  what I want to do with my life. I've already spent hours and hours writing for this blog and other stuff, might as well put that experience to good use, right?

Pika has had it hard. I mentioned her breakup earlier, but its gotten worse. Apparently Machamp and his friends got angry that she didn't feel comfortable being friends with them anymore, claiming she needed some space, and started giving her shit for it. That, and Machamp went to prom with one of her friends like a week later. She's pretty heartbroken, and I don't blame her. She tends to put a lot of love into her relationships, and to have Machamp just kinda give up on her has to hurt. She's been confiding in me a lot. She said we need each other right now, and with the way school's been going for me I couldn't agree more. She wanted me to come down to go to prom with her, but unfortunately that didn't work out. Pika is coming up to see me on Memorial Day, though. I'm super excited to introduce her to all my friends. As shitty as life has been, things are looking up.

As far as video making is concerned, I'm a little annoyed with myself. Memes of WW2 has been sitting on my hard drive half edited for months now, and I've just been too busy with school/lazy to do much with it. Now that I only have to worry about work, which is basically just having to worry about being on time, I can put my effort into this blog, streaming, writing 9 years, and YouTube. I'm hoping that by giving myself a strict schedule (which I will be posting soon) and sticking to it, I can stop neglecting you guys and give you the content you deserve. It's going to be a great summer folks!

Life Update: March 2018

March was a busy one, as you can probably tell by me writing this near the end of April. I took a short spring break but unfortunately I didn't break much new ground on videos and other content I wanted to create. It's become so hard for me to find motivation sometimes, and I really need to kick my ass to get anything done nowadays. However, I'm trying to power though it and am making progress slowly but surely.

I had another couple tinder dates in March, one that went great and one that didn't. I'll probably write up the stories of both dates later, but lets just say I'm actively talking to one and haven't spoken to the other. The girl I am talking to I can't do much with at the moment, as it's become crunch time for classes and we are all super stressed out for them. Hopefully we can do something after exams.

Speaking of exams, I want to die! School is stressful as always, and I don't know if I'm going to be able to pass my trig class. I studied really hard for a test the other day and just absolutly bombed it. I don't know why I try anymore. The more effort I put in, the less I seem to get out. I'm talking to the professor about it, and he might be able to help me, but I wouldn't get my hopes up. I'm just confused about life at the moment. Am I really meant to be here? Is this really what I should be doing? Is this worth doing? I don't know, and that scares the shit out of me.

Pika and Machamp broke up. I kinda saw this coming, as she was complaining about him a bit and started referring to him as "my boyfriend" rather than just his name. It a bit obvious their relationship was straining, but apparently they grew really distant. Machamp broke it off because he just didn't feel that spark anymore, and didn't think he could keep the relationship going through college. Pikachu's been really down about it lately, she told me she felt like he gave up on her. I feel bad for her, breakups are hard and she seems to not be taking it well. I'm trying to comfort her best I can in this hard time, I know she'd do the same for me. In any case, I just want her to be happy again. I love it when my special kitty is happy.

Life update: February 2018

Damn, February went by fast! This month was pretty eventful, and I've got a lot of info to fill I'll you guys in on, so let's get into it!

Firstly: videos. I've been working on my first video for a while, I just need to find out how to fix the echo on the audio because my dorm room sounds like I'm recording in a closet, but other than that I've been getting used to vegas so hopefully I can start making things faster. Also: Shadow Destiny live read number 2 is still TBA, in just trying to coordinate a good time to do it in the discord.

I've also started to dabble a bit in art. It started as doodling but now I'm just trying to improve myself so one day I might be competent at it. Pika's been egging me on this whole time, so she's happy I've gotten into it more. I'm promised to send her a bit of a drawing with her birthday present this month, and I might throw that up here when it's done.

As far as romance I went on a bit of another tinder date the other day. Thankfully she didn't blow me off, and I taught her how to play Magic for a bit. She seemed to really enjoy it, and I had a good time too! I'm hoping to hang out with her sometime this week, but she's so busy that might not happen until next weekend. Who knows if this goes anywhere, but I'm excited nonetheless.

College grades are actually looking good for once. Besides some hiccups in trig I've been more on top of my work and tests than ever before. I think I'm starting to get the hang of college, here's to hoping that my first experiences were just a rough patch!

Life Update: January 2018

January was an interesting one. I went back to college again, hoping to change myself to make my life better, but to no avail. I feel like sometimes I'm just spinning my wheels instead of moving forward towards a goal of some sort. I'm getting better study habits and managing myself better, but sometimes it just seems futile.

 I've tried to distract myself from this reality by putting my efforts into videos and other projects, and that seems to be working. As I'm writing this the script for my first video is done, the live read of Shadow Destiny is going up on YouTube, and I'm getting ready to record more lines for voice acting. All in all I'm hoping that by motivating myself to keep up with this blog and clean up my channel, I can get some of my life back together.

Dating has been a bust though. I've gotten tinder matches but I got stood up by another date. She said she was sick, and that we should reschedule, but hasn't messaged me back sense. Is there something wrong with me? Is there some innate thing people see in me that is just repulsive? I don't understand what Pika sees in me most times. She's still so kind to me, saying I'm nicer than everyone else, but I know that's not true. Perhaps one day,  my nightmare will become reality when she discovers whatever is driving people away from me and finally abandons me herself. I know she won't do that, but the fear is there. If that were to happen, honestly, that would just break me. Here's to hoping I'm just psychotic...

One year on the blog: looking back and looking forward!

Man, I can't believe its been over a year since the blog started. It's been interesting, I must say. I never dreamed of reaching so many people in such a relatively short time-span, and the response to this has been overwhelmingly positive. I just want to say thank you to you all again, it really means a ton that you guys support me the way you do.

Now to some statistics. Last year we had approximate 10,402 views on the blog. For a small start-up blog, that's incredible! Our least viewed month was August 2017 with only 252 views, and our most viewed is November 2017 with a whopping 2,792! That's pretty great. My goal for 2018 is 15,000 views, let's see if we can do it (and if not I'll just refresh the page 15,000 times)!

The next item on the agenda is projects. In 2017 I experimented with some streaming, though due to my dorm's poor internet connection and reliability issues, I'm going to have to put those on hold unfortunately. Until I return home for the summer, there will likely not be any streams. 

The biggest ongoing project with the blog is, of course as you all know, 9 years a Pokemon. Part three has proven to be quite the undertaking, and for as much as I've gotten done of it, there's still so much more. Writing it also has the added difficulty of emotional baggage: as much as I get into a groove with getting stuff done I have to take a break from it just to save my own sanity. Rest assured, it is coming, slowly and surely.

Now on to some even more exciting stuff: Voice acting! Recently, Y Ddraig and I have been working on a warhammer lore video he's going to put up on his channel soon. I hope to do much more voice acting in the future, and am actively looking for projects to audition for. So, if you like that video (which I'll link here when it's up) and know someone who needs a voice actor, don't forget to mention me to 'em! I'd really appreciate it!

Last, but certainly not least, is my YouTube channel. Recently, I decided to gut it of all my old stuff I put on there from middle school and am currently working on several history themed videos for your guys' amusement. My first video will be called "Memes of World War 2" and will be coming out (hopfully) within the next month. Stay tuned for updates on that! Also, when 9 years part 3 is done, I'll re-release those old cringey videos of yesteryear just for fun and talk a little about how they fit into the story of my middle school life as a whole.

Ninja edit: I also wanted to assure everyone that the podcast is still going to go on, but due to issues with microphones and recording I don't know when. As far as I know, Pika still wants to do it, and I'll probably bring up a couple other people who might be interested (like sandshrew, Jolteon, Flareon, etc.) but I still want the initial one to be just Pika. 

All in all, I love you guys so much, I hope you had a happy new year and are ready to hit the ground running in 2018!

Life Update: December 2017

December was a busy one for me. I finished my finals and headed home. I pretty much worked at the store the entire break, which was ok. I mean, the money was good, but telling people for the tenth time there is no "ground ham" here nor at any "Polish supermarkets" nearby made me want to gouge my own eyes out. But work is work, so I can't complain. As far as school goes, I'm worried as fuck. My GPA wasn't that good this semester, and I'm afraid I might lose my scholarship. I'm pissed as fuck because the two classes I got 2 Ds in I took in high school! Somehow, even with studying, I couldn't pass. Next semester, I think I'll get a tutor.

On the bright side, Pika's letter was unexpected and cute, and I finally finished my voice acting for a guy's video (I'll link it when it's done). I was also discussing maybe changing majors with my parents. Thankfully, they seemed rather supportive, but I'm still on the fence. I've wanted to do geology ever since I was a kid, but I just have a passion for history. Hell, my script for my latest YouTube video about the memes of world war 2 (also link when that's finished) almost done, and that was just for fun! I'm conflicted, but I know I've got to follow my heart.

In slightly more somber news, the Catholic Church associated with the Catholic school I went to as a kid (the one that turned a blind eye to me and my friends) is currently trying to build a new church, for some reason? They claim they wanted more room, but instead of upgrading and expanding the current church, they'd rather ask for FOUR MILLION DOLLARS from their parishioners to build an ungodly exorbitant new curch. Now this is absurd, and I'm not even going to get into how they practically bullied the poor guy who had the property where they're going to build it before them off of his own land! Even more crazy is that this is ON TOP OF a gym they have to rebuild after a hurricane destroyed the old one (in a dramatic twist of irony I might add, as the year prior they spent a stupid amount of money redoing the floor), for which they're asking for separate donations. If I sound mad, it's because I am, especially since my parents are hosting a giant fundraiser for the whole thing, complete with harassing people on social media! It makes me even more angry knowing that the church still refuses to accept there even IS a bullying problem, let alone try and fix it. And why should they, after all it's in their best interest not to: the troublesome kids have parents who happen to be the biggest donors. I want to speak out, but I'm so afraid of my parents' backlash. I don't want to lose my college education just because some assholes want a new playground. At the same time, I honestly hoped they fix the issues at that school, but watching them pull the same old bullshit, proving they've learned nothing makes my blood boil. Sometimes, the world sucks.

Life update: November 2017

November was an interesting month to say the least. I'm still on Tinder talking to all kinds of people, though nothing much has come out of that.  I still play magic on fridays and my grades still aren't the best. Pima and I still talk and are trying to figure out the podcast, and I'm still trying to finish 9 years by Christmas.
I still hate myself though. I've tried to convince myself I'm a good person by helping people like Ryan, but it's still so hard. Mankey and all the other kids just convinced me I was sub-human at such a young age it's hard to recover. I feel broken beyond repair. I just want to go back in time and live a childhood where I didn't have to worry about people trying to stab me or shit on me all the time. All I want is to be normal, but I can't have that. It's a never ending fight between my ghosts of my past and I. The worst part is, I know Mankey or Archanine won't give a shit about it in 20-30 years, but I'll never forget the pain.

Life update: October 2017

Ya know, I thought college would be different. For some reason, I thought the freedom would make me happier, but it just has made me more isolated. I just want to feel happy; sometimes it seems I never will be. But I will keep on, studying and writing. I just have been depressed lately...

 I started streaming for a while, but I kept missing my scheduled times so I decided to redraw the whole thing. I feel bad for not even being able to keep my own schedule, and I hope in the future I have some more self-discipline. All in all I just want to make content for you guys, and I want to do it right. I'm firing back up my YouTube channel soon, and doing a bunch of stuff. Basically, I want my channel to be enjoyable, just making light-hearted content when the inspiration strikes me and uploading it fairly consistently. I'm struggling to find this motivation sometimes, and I feel like that's what's really keeping me from achieving my goals. I'm hoping November brings new motivation and just a good time.

My love life has been pretty shit as usual. A girl faked a phone call to ditch me on a date, which was heartbreaking. I've been looking around dating apps, just looking for someone I can be happy with. All the girls/guys/Pokemon I've mentioned on this blog are doing fine, though. I talk to Pika and Sandshrew almost daily, as well as having breakfast/lunch with Flareon and Jolteon. Clefairy and I joke around on snapchat a bunch, and I still haven't talked to Gardevoir since the night I met Pikachu.

All in all, life is going ok. My depression has been fucking with me but I'm trying to power through it, and your guys' support has been incredible. But I still feel like there's a hole in my life sometime, and my trying out streaming on Twitch and  making YouTube videos are an attempt to fill it. I hope this works, as dark as it is now, the future is bright.

Life update: September 2017

Life in college has been pretty easy so far. My classes aren't that hard, although I should really study more as I tend to get lazy and fall behind. Hell, I'm typing this in class so I'm already setting a bad example for myself. Oh well.

Tinder has been working pretty well for me. I made kind of a jokey profile and people seem to like it. I went on one date, although turns out she and Flareon hit it off more than her and I did, and now they have a thing. But hey, Flareon's happy, and I'm going on another date tomorrow.

So towards the end of the month I started streaming. It was fun, and I'm hoping to make this a regular thing. I'll be finishing up my sealed league on Mtgo on Saturday at 10pm est, and here is a tentative schedule moving forward:

Sunday 2-5pm est gaming stream
Monday 5-8pm est writing stream
Wednesday 5-8pm est gaming stream
Saturday 2-5pm est gaming stream

And that schedule is subject to change depending on what you guys like. I'll mostly be playing games like Planetside 2, War Thunder, Mtgo, PUBG, Rocket League, Overwatch and whatever else I can get my hands on. Sometimes I'll play by myself, sometimes with friends (namely Flareon and Jolteon). The writing streams I will not be writing for 9 years part 3 (as I want to keep that one a surprise for you guys ;) ), but rather another story I plan to post to /tg/ when finished called "Grand Prix Pokemon", detailing my experience at the Grand Prix Orlando and how Magic: The Gathering has helped me finally feel accepted somewhere.

Pikachu and all the rest are doing fine. I saw Sandshrew the other day and went roller skating with her, Raichu, and another friend. Sandshrew is still as adorable as I remember. We had a great time watching me fall down like a dumbass and take out some poor children. It was her birthday the other day, and I wanted to gift her overwatch but she was hesitant to accept it, mostly cuz I have no money now that I'm in college. We finally made a deal that I'll buy it for her when it goes on sale round Christmas, so I guess everyone wins! Clefairy is still around, her and I joke around on Snapchat mostly, I think she's dating someone but to be honest I'm fine with just being her friend. Speaking of dating, aperently the other day was national boyfriend day or something. Pika posted a bunch of stuff of her and Machamp on her instagram, which, not gonna lie, hurt. I don't know why but sometimes I feel like I'm still hung up on her, I'm just afraid I've missed my chance and no one will make me feel the way she makes me feel...

Life update: August 2017

August was a hell of a month. First off, I moved away to college, and not much has changed. Classes are pretty easy, I just have to make sure I actually study and not slack off. My roommate is pretty chill, he's like me the very "keep your head down" kind of guy, although he does party a bit more than I do. As far as my job, I finally had my last day around a month ago, and its been quite relaxing having time off.

The big event of the month (although not technically in august) was definitely Irma. Not only did it kinda throw a wrench in my writing plans, but it also canceled all my classes this week. My family was fortunately ok, and so was Pika's family fortunately. It was just kind of, jarring to know that my entire house, my entire family, my entire life could be wiped away by a single weather event.

On the love front, I got a tinder. I'm actually kind of surprised how many matches I've had. Although dates... are another story. So far I've gone on two dates, one of which didn't show, and the other liked my friend more than me. I guess that's just my luck?

On 9 years, I'll be honest, I have  no idea when the fuck it's going to be finished. Every time I write I remember something else and have to go on another tangent in order for things to make sense. For now, in another post, I'll throw up an imgur link to part one and the discord for those who haven't joined.

So tl;dr, 9 years is coming sometime, irma was bad, pika and all the other people are doing fine.

Life Update: July 2017

July was really quite depressing for me. For starters, the fact that Pika wasn't coming killed me inside, and work made me miserable. I did a bunch of college stuff, but I still need to contact my roommate.

One thing that's been bothering me is my mother. She's been getting more and more pissy st me latley, barley wanting to talk to me. To be honest, I really don't care that much since I like being left alone and not harassed, but it still hurts to think that she truly hates me. I don't know, she's always trying to make me feel guilty about everything I do and makes huge mountains out of molehills, but all I can think about is college, pika, and work.

Life update: June 2017

June was 2 things: work and sleep. Pika told me she was going to come up in mid July, but she got sick and couldn't come. I miss her dearly, I really wished this trip worked out :(

Tons of college stuff was done, I had a huge scare with my class schedule because for some reason the system didn't enroll me into any classes. That was fun. I'm a little scared for college, I'm afraid I'll be alone as usual and just another outcast. I'm trying to get myself out there more, but it gets harder and harder.

Nothing really much has happened on the romance front. I've just been trying to meet new people. Part of me wants to go on tinder, but I'm just afraid I'll get more depressed at the rejection I might have there. Or I could have a great relationship, which makes me want to do it. But as far as college is concerned, I just want to keep my head down and study.