A conversation with a Co-Worker

>Be me
>Work at supermarket
>Closing time
>No one is around
>Store is empty
>Closing down the meat department
>Already cleaned all my stuff up
>Meat cutter is closing with me
>Let's call him Paras
>Paras is a dude in his 50s
>Kinda crazy
>Really fun guy to work with
>Sometimes decides to juggle balls of meat
>Very casual, go with the flow kinda guy
>Apparently a huge drug dealer back in the day
>Retired
>He returned to meat cutting because it "called to him"
>Decide to ask him if he wanted to be a meat cutter as a kid
>"No, but I already lived my childhood dream"
>I ask him what that was about
>Paras said it was to play baseball
>Apparently he played baseball for the Padres for a couple of years
>Used meat cutting to help pay for his expences
>He was mostly on the practice team, but still did some stuff
>Quit when his kids were born
>He started talking about his wife
>His highschool sweetheart
>Married for 20 years
>He goes silent
>He starts talking about one of his kids
>She was born with spina bifida and cerebral palsy 
>I glace at him for a moment
>I can see the pain in his eyes
>I almost ask him if she's doing ok, but he answers that for me
>"She died when she was 9" paras says solemnly
>Silence
>"I guess I really never got over it"
>Think back to Ghastly
>Tell him most people never get over the death of a loved one
>Tell him about Ghastly and his affect on me
>He understands
>We know each other's pain
>The pain of loss only death can provide
>Want to lighten up the topic
>Talk to him more about his wife
>He goes quiet again
>"I walked in on her cheating on me" 
>This man's highschool sweetheart of 20 years
>Cheats on him in front of his eyes
>Gets pregnant
>Paras said he walked out after that
>His other kids understand
>Divorce happens
>That was 9 years ago
>After a couple years of retirement he comes back to meat cutting
>A couple years later I meet him
>His story hit me hard
>This man, living the time of his life
>Living the dream
>Playing baseball
>Having the girl he loved
>Having a wonderful family
>Crushed by reality
>Yet he continues to smile and joke around
>It all makes sense now
>Paras is the sad clown
>Always trying to make people laugh
>So one day, he can forget the pain
>We close up
>We walk out
>The next day he's back to his usual self
>Jolly, always cracking jokes
>But I see the cracks
>I can never unsee the cracks