Ya know, I thought college would be different. For some reason, I thought the freedom would make me happier, but it just has made me more isolated. I just want to feel happy; sometimes it seems I never will be. But I will keep on, studying and writing. I just have been depressed lately...
I started streaming for a while, but I kept missing my scheduled times so I decided to redraw the whole thing. I feel bad for not even being able to keep my own schedule, and I hope in the future I have some more self-discipline. All in all I just want to make content for you guys, and I want to do it right. I'm firing back up my YouTube channel soon, and doing a bunch of stuff. Basically, I want my channel to be enjoyable, just making light-hearted content when the inspiration strikes me and uploading it fairly consistently. I'm struggling to find this motivation sometimes, and I feel like that's what's really keeping me from achieving my goals. I'm hoping November brings new motivation and just a good time.
My love life has been pretty shit as usual. A girl faked a phone call to ditch me on a date, which was heartbreaking. I've been looking around dating apps, just looking for someone I can be happy with. All the girls/guys/Pokemon I've mentioned on this blog are doing fine, though. I talk to Pika and Sandshrew almost daily, as well as having breakfast/lunch with Flareon and Jolteon. Clefairy and I joke around on snapchat a bunch, and I still haven't talked to Gardevoir since the night I met Pikachu.
All in all, life is going ok. My depression has been fucking with me but I'm trying to power through it, and your guys' support has been incredible. But I still feel like there's a hole in my life sometime, and my trying out streaming on Twitch and making YouTube videos are an attempt to fill it. I hope this works, as dark as it is now, the future is bright.
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