January was an interesting one. I went back to college again, hoping to change myself to make my life better, but to no avail. I feel like sometimes I'm just spinning my wheels instead of moving forward towards a goal of some sort. I'm getting better study habits and managing myself better, but sometimes it just seems futile.
I've tried to distract myself from this reality by putting my efforts into videos and other projects, and that seems to be working. As I'm writing this the script for my first video is done, the live read of Shadow Destiny is going up on YouTube, and I'm getting ready to record more lines for voice acting. All in all I'm hoping that by motivating myself to keep up with this blog and clean up my channel, I can get some of my life back together.
Dating has been a bust though. I've gotten tinder matches but I got stood up by another date. She said she was sick, and that we should reschedule, but hasn't messaged me back sense. Is there something wrong with me? Is there some innate thing people see in me that is just repulsive? I don't understand what Pika sees in me most times. She's still so kind to me, saying I'm nicer than everyone else, but I know that's not true. Perhaps one day, my nightmare will become reality when she discovers whatever is driving people away from me and finally abandons me herself. I know she won't do that, but the fear is there. If that were to happen, honestly, that would just break me. Here's to hoping I'm just psychotic...
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